Kisah ini dikongsikan oleh Aishah Humairah Lokman di laman sosial Facebook milik beliau. Gadis berumur 20 tahun ini merupakan penghidap penyakit misteri Systemic Lupus Erythematosus hampir tiga tahun. Tujuan admin share adalah supaya orang ramai mendoakan beliau dan memberi sokongan moral kepada beliau. Semoga gadis ini segera sembuh.
Bismillah.
[Living with Lupus Nephritis]
To be frank, i never thought i'll be living this way. This is my third year living with SLE, but it's just 3 months living with Lupus Nephritis, tapi ya Allah ya Rabbi, Tuhan saja tahu seksanya 3 bulan ni. I almost gave up on life. But i have to fight. I have to accept the fact that i have lupus nephritis. I have to stay positive. But to cope with this, susah sebenarnya. Kau dah berubah 360 degree. Susah nak terima. Orang boleh cakap kena sabar, kena positif, but everytime aku tengok diri sendiri, hati rasa menangis. I'm only 21. I'm afraid that i have to live like this for another few years. 😭
Lepas buat renal biopsy on June, my body started to act weird. Badan kaki tangan muka mula jadi sembap. Tapi aku degil. Nak jugak balik Jordan nak belajar nak dpt degree yada yada. Last2 beberapa minggu kat Jordan, kena warded sebab kena infection. 13 hari in ward, the very first day kat ward tu my kidneys were totally failed. Muka mmg dah jadi macam bola. Side effect ubat plus fluid retention~ idk.
Then i decided to transfer my studies to local uni. Sebab aku rasa dah tak mampu. Aku dah tak kuat. I might passed my studies, tapi inner side dah lemah. Fizikal aku bukanlah humairah yang orang kenal. Sepanjang kat Malaysia, takde sehari pun aku sihat. I was really weak. Starting from last week, badan dah jadi makin teruk. Kaki dah macam belon. Satu badan dah jadi keras. Kulit semua dah pecah. Sometimes i develop oral edema that cause shortness of breath. Malam2 akan terjaga sbb mulut dah bengkak. Tekak lidah semua membengkak sampai tak boleh tutup. Mata akan terjojol bengkak. Perut buncit macam mengandung 5-6 bulan. Muntah air tu benda biasa. I can barely walk because of this feet edema. I also had this oral thrush sampaikan kena pergi ER sebab tak boleh bernafas. Hospital is my second home. And baru saja keluar wad sbb oral edema (and i thought it was allergic reaction to prednisolone but actually it was edema) 😐 how to cope with this aku pun tak tahu. I might have to live like this for another few months, or years.... Well, tengoklah apa takdir yang tertulis~
And all things happened make me think, sampai bila humairah akan hidup macam ni. It's so sad when visitors said "dah xnampak rupa humairah dah" and it's so heartbreaking to see sad faces when they saw me... Ini baru 3 bulan. Adakah humairah akan hidup mcm ni selama lamanya? Atau dia akan sembuh? Sampai bila tak boleh berjalan mcm org normal? Sampai bila akan terjaga 3 pagi tak boleh bernafas? Sampai bila nak hidup dgn badan penuh air?
Life's hard. Setiap hari humairah berdoa semoga hilangkan rasa sakit rasa tak selesa ni... Humairah nak hidup normal macam orang lain. Lupus why? Why are you treating me soooooo bad. I miss my old self. But i have to accept the fact that i wont be my old self dah. Sekarang, tak mampu nak berdiri lama pun. Mandi pun rasa penat. Amek wuduk, solat, makan pun rasa semput. I also cant see clearly sometimes sbb muka bengkak. Ubat pun mama yang kena urus, kena sediakan air.... Aku x mampu urus diri pun sekarang. Sedih, tapi apakan daya?
3 bulan yang menyeksakan. And many months to come i guess. Things happened too fast. Too fast that suddenly humairah yang rasanya dulu sihat tetiba terus terlantar. Semoga ujian ini menguatkan diri, bukan melemahkan. Orang kata Allah uji sebab kita mampu~ entahlah setakat mana kemampuan humairah sebenarnya.
Doakanlah.
p/s : aku menulis bukan sebab nak tagih simpati. I just hope one day, sooner or later, aku akan sembuh and baca balik semua ni, and say "thank God i survived this"
InshaAllah.
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